The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
