god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
