Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
