mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
