My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
