she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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