Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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