You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
