He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
