I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
