Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
