We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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