peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
