Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
