She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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