Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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