i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize