I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
