i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
