North Korea, Best Korea!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
