So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
