I got her a Nickelback box set.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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