In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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