You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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