One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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