I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
