Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
