Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
