I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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