I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
