you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
This is my gift to your gina
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
