I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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