And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
