Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
