I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
