My nipple is on Facebook.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
