I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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