first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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