So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
