I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
