It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
