what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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