I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
