i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
