just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
