There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Found your dick twin last night
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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