So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
