If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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