You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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