he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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