Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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