she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
