I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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