One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
