Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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