What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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