just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
