I heard we made out
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
