Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
