I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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