how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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