what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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