Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
