i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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