After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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