You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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