Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
