I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
