Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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