I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
